the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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