took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
