The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
