Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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