I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
