You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
His hands were made for my vagina.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
MIDGETS
????
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize