Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
