Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
