Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize