i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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