i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
