OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
