Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
