I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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