Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she smelled like a LAN party
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
