i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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