just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
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Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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