My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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