I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
