Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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