He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
