party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
