Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
