thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You took a bar mat shot.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
