awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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