the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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