i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
