You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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