Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
