Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
