She's JV to your varsity
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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