my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
