You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
