apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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