I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
