i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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