Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
