This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
