In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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