Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
