hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
