So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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