i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
