I don't get it.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
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woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
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how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!