Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
