was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...