Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.