Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug