I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
