If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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