What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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