end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
