Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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