Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
