everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
