I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
