and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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