stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Alive.
So much puke
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
