would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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