I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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