I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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