the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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