I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
