i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
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