She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
