Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
