I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
