I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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