We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
