My sheets look like a crime scene.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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