It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
