In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
