It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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