i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
