I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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