he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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