I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
