Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
