who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me