i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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