...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.