Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.