i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.