i already hear my dad disowning me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
