Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Someone came in the potted fern
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
