apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
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Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great