I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
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Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
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third nipple confirmed
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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