Please, let me fuck your mom
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.