Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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