I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
